I have grown enormous in size. So much so that the rolls of fat around my tummy cannot be contained in my jeans and old photographs make me cringe and desire to violently burn them into ashes. What is more disturbing is that i have learnt to live comfortably with all this. Much like throwing up your hand and giving a long loud moan devoid of any pauses. To top it all last week had only and only been “cheese-y” and dinners at home had ranged from buttery saffron rice with prawns to the bigger and better sins that the Mughals had introduced in our country. I am yet to start a healthy routine and there had been frequent consumption of chocolate cakes, hot chocolates,pies and cupcakes already.
Which brings me to the more uncomfortable issue of restraint . Where has mine vanished? When i look back, that is one virtue that stuck to me like the bark of a tree. Yes i was known to be impulsive, make many many mistakes that i have regretted , but restraint …no, don’t think so. Somewhere between trying to be more adaptable and losing a difficult-to-handle image, that thing had been forcibly flushed out of the system.And where has that brought me? A scary infestation of the mind by all things that would have been quite meaningless for me even few years back. The bar lowered for some unknown reason, cries to be raised back to its normal height.
The immensely disturbing situation currently, is being confined at home with so so many things to mug up,that simply go whoooosh over your head. Simply lying around at home and doing nothing is one of those guilty indulgence that one can never resent. However having to go through something , that has been experienced so many times before is not exactly gratifying. But there is great peace in impermanence. One just needs to soothe the mind and convince it that this is the last time.And while one does it, one constantly thinks of all those weird things that one has never stopped doing. Heres few
- i have a huge trouble in letting things go and currently i realize i am possibly a ‘hoarder’. Everything has a meaning for me.Give me a piece of paper with your name and i will save it too.
- i am possibly a very insecure person. Possibly.
- i am an appalling liar. Unless i am doing it with my mouth shut [sms/email], you will know.
- the upside-down kiss from Spiderman 2 has always been my dream kiss, solely because of the difficulty attached with it.maybe a thing for acrobatics ,who knows!
- i love buying expensive things to get rid of unhappiness. it is like being worldly and vain, when not-being-so fails.
- i am a sore loser.
- i like to take a deep long sleep when the world around threatens to fall apart.and assume everything will be normal the next morning.it never happens.but that has never stopped me from hoping.
- there is no harm in playing a little game as long as no-one is getting hurt.
- i cope with the world only by creating a fantasy world inside my mind.most will call that madness.i call that survival.
- it takes me 2 minutes to love or hate a person.i am that extreme.