Restraint

I have grown enormous in size. So much so that the rolls of fat around my tummy cannot be contained in my jeans and old photographs make me cringe and desire to violently burn them into ashes. What is more disturbing is that i have learnt to live comfortably with all this. Much like throwing up your hand  and giving  a  long loud moan devoid of any pauses. To top it all last week had only and only been “cheese-y” and dinners at home had ranged from buttery saffron rice with prawns to the bigger and better sins that the Mughals had introduced in our country. I am yet to start a healthy routine and there had been frequent consumption of chocolate cakes, hot chocolates,pies and cupcakes already.

Which brings me to the more uncomfortable issue of restraint . Where has mine vanished? When i look back, that is one virtue that stuck to me like the bark of a tree. Yes i was known to be impulsive, make many many mistakes that i have regretted , but restraint …no, don’t think so. Somewhere between trying to be more adaptable and losing a difficult-to-handle image, that thing had been forcibly flushed out of the system.And where has that brought me? A scary infestation of the mind by all things that would have been quite meaningless for me even few years back. The bar lowered for some unknown reason, cries to be raised back to its normal height.

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