I think i knew well enough what i am getting myself into. I had closed my eyes and visualized every details of what is going to unfold in the coming few days. I thought hard, about my strengths, weaknesses and the decision seemed quite unbecoming of the type i am. And yet it did not stop me from hitting the button that was to end a long tiresome process. It might remain the colossal mistake of my life to the outside world, it might seem like a brave step to a few, it does not matter. I don’t have a back-up plan for the first time in my life and the thought makes me queasy. My future options when measured against a well-thought yardstick, fails to impress. So basically i need a miracle to happen. And we all know the chances of that. But i don’t regret anything. The past was in my control. Decisions were in my control. What makes me uneasy is the future. Because one cannot control that.

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