Now

Say, the lamp of logic had been extinguished for a day, say rationality had to bid adieu, and all our senses were mired in a deep unique slumber. Would we still reach out with our feeble little fingers to trace a shape out of those blurry actions. Must there always be a justification for everything, that needs to sit perfectly like that bow-tie with the tuxedo ?Life is a ship-wreck, and you cannot take every item with you when you escape. And therefore you must pick and choose, those memories worth saving. This was not worth it. This did not deserve the precious cells to capture and keep forever. And therefore it was time to close your eyes and push it into the deep dark bosom of the ocean….

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I think i knew well enough what i am getting myself into. I had closed my eyes and visualized every details of what is going to unfold in the coming few days. I thought hard, about my strengths, weaknesses and the decision seemed quite unbecoming of the type i am. And yet it did not stop me from hitting the button that was to end a long tiresome process. It might remain the colossal mistake of my life to the outside world, it might seem like a brave step to a few, it does not matter. I don’t have a back-up plan for the first time in my life and the thought makes me queasy. My future options when measured against a well-thought yardstick, fails to impress. So basically i need a miracle to happen. And we all know the chances of that. But i don’t regret anything. The past was in my control. Decisions were in my control. What makes me uneasy is the future. Because one cannot control that.